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Learn the Art of Intellectual Foreplay

Learn the Art of Intellectual Foreplay | Relationships | Scoop.it

Learn the art of Intellectual Foreplay

By Tonya Leigh

 

 “Words really flattering are not those which we propose but those which escape us unthinkably.” ~Ninon de L'Enclos

 

Suddenly, I realized that the people sitting around that table possessed something that I didn’t: a passion for life coupled with an arsenal of intellectual and conversational skills that had somehow escaped me during my over three decades on this earth.

 

As I watched the playful and at times tense (think Italians flailing their arms around in the air and the French shrugging their shoulders and rolling their eyes) exchange of ideas and opinions, I made another observation. The most captivating woman in the room was not necessarily the most beautiful one or the one carrying the Birkin (now don’t get me wrong, I love a Birkin). She was the one who knew how to use her passion paired with words to charm the audience.


Via PAT NOVAK
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

My favorite parts of thiis lovely tranformational narrative:


  • In France, words are used as play.  It’s not just what you say, but how you say it.  It didn’t take me long to realize that my direct American-style way of speaking was often viewed as rude (or dull) in a French conversation.  The French have a way of adding humor, wit and charm to very serious topics, making it easier to digest.
  • Conversation is like a dance.  Sometimes, you must let others take the lead but always keep up, unless of course, you don’t like the dance.
  • So, here’s my challenge for you.  Begin to weed out all those things you’ve been taught you should know and begin to indulge yourself in what truly inspires you.
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Relationships
Resources for creating great romantic and familial relationships curated by Marriage and Family Therapist, Dr. Amy Fuller
Curated by Dr. Amy Fuller
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Rescooped by Dr. Amy Fuller from Healthy Marriage Links and Clips
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21 Facts That Will Change Your Relationship Forever

21 Facts That Will Change Your Relationship Forever | Relationships | Scoop.it
Discover what scientists know about happy couples, and your relationship will never be the same--guaranteed.

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Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

Great Visuals backed by tons of Research! MUST READ for happy couples or wanna-be happy couples! 

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Fuller Life Family Therapy's curator insight, February 26, 4:50 PM

21 facts about what makes a marriage happy! 

Vicki Larson's curator insight, July 22, 8:52 AM

Science can't tell us to be kind, appreciative and loving, but that's really what people need and want from each other. Simple!

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Why Kindness Matters in Marriage

Why Kindness Matters in Marriage | Relationships | Scoop.it
Spring is a time for commencement addresses, and I’ve seen a number of good ones recently. This youtube video of professor and NYT best-seller George Saunders’ address on kindness. Of all the lesso...
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7 Things Scientists Know About the Science of Long-Lasting Love

7 Things Scientists Know About the Science of Long-Lasting Love | Relationships | Scoop.it
What do people in happy long-term relationships have in common? Learn their science-backed secrets to staying satisfied for the long haul.
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

Research based tips for couples!

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Fuller Life Family Therapy's curator insight, September 16, 4:55 PM

Optimistic and helpful tidbits on how to maintain a healthy and vibrant marriage. 

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Expert Answers on E.M.D.R.

Expert Answers on E.M.D.R. | Relationships | Scoop.it
Francine Shapiro, the originator of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, responds to readers’ questions.
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16 Fun Ways To Say "I Love You"

16 Fun Ways To Say "I Love You" | Relationships | Scoop.it
Few sentiments carry the kind of weight that the three little words, “I love you,” does. But what happens when you say them so much that they start to become expected and lose meaning?
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365 Conversation Starters for Couples | Amplify Happiness Now

365 Conversation Starters for Couples | Amplify Happiness Now | Relationships | Scoop.it

One of the most important things we can do to support lifelong loving relationships is continue to learn about one another.  When we start out in relationships we are fascinated.  We stay up all night talking.  We can’t wait to learn more about each other.


Over time we stop being curious.  We start thinking we know everything about our partner.  Which is impossible- every one of us grows every single day.


But when we stop being curious and start making assumptions about the people in our lives we start running into problems.  We stop letting our spouse or sweetheart surprise us and things get a little blah. It’s not uncommon to end up in a conversation rut in a long term partnership.

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Great news about marriages: 80% are happy

Great news about marriages: 80% are happy | Relationships | Scoop.it
What if I could snap my fingers and make 80 percent of marriages happy? And cut the divorce rate for first time marriages in half? Consider it done. What if everything you thought you knew about ma...
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New research about the divorce rate and marital happiness...
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CHARACTERISTICS OF A SUCCESSFUL MODERN FAMILY | Quentin Hafner, LMFT

CHARACTERISTICS OF A SUCCESSFUL MODERN FAMILY
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How To Make Sure Your Next Marriage Is Your Last Marriage

How To Make Sure Your Next Marriage Is Your Last Marriage | Relationships | Scoop.it
Saying "I do" is a bit different the second time around. You accept the proposal with more reservations (getting a divorce, however long ago it's been, will leave you a little shaky). The ceremony itself will generally be smaller, the weddi...
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Stop Fighting With Your Partner, and Start Fighting With Yourself | Quentin Hafner, LMFT

Stop Fighting With Your Partner, and Start Fighting With Yourself | Quentin Hafner, LMFT | Relationships | Scoop.it

Stop Fighting With Your Partner, and Start Fighting With Yourself".   

What Most People Want Out Of Couples Therapy

The majority of couples who enter couples therapytypically want one thing: They want their spouse to be different.  Many people in unsettling and dissatisfying relationships have come to believe that their discomfort or unhappiness is a result of their partner’s actions, and if only their partner would change, things would feel and be much better. The problem herein lies usually that both parties in the relationship want each other to change, and most typically neither of them are willing to change.  And so, we have a classic standoff; you change first, then maybe I’ll consider changing.  In other words, “I need YOU to be different, because I am fine”.

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Maria Teresa Frezet terapeuta olistica's curator insight, April 10, 3:33 PM

Our partner is like a mirror and the things we don't like in him/her are the things that we don't like in ourselves! There is no point in breaking the mirror! Things will always stay the same untill we understand that we can only change inside ourselves! when a real change occurs, the whole reality around us changes!

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For Happy Marriage, His Personality May Be Key: MedlinePlus

For Happy Marriage, His Personality May Be Key: MedlinePlus | Relationships | Scoop.it
For Happy Marriage, His Personality May Be Key
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Vicki Larson's curator insight, July 22, 8:53 AM

Uh, oh guys — don't blame us!

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Perfectionville: Population Zero |

Perfectionville: Population Zero | | Relationships | Scoop.it

Perfectionism gives the illusion that we are better off with it. Learn how perfectionism detracts from healthy self-image, relationships and enjoying life!


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Fuller Life Family Therapy's curator insight, March 18, 10:18 PM

When we can embrace our imperfections, we are becoming more authentic versions of ourselves – and becoming perfectly us.versions of ourselves.

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Don't bother trying to rekindle your marriage

Don't bother trying to rekindle your marriage | Relationships | Scoop.it
There is a popular belief in the marriage and relationship world that when the doldrums hit and you find yourself more numb than really alive, you should look for ways to get back what you once had...
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

How the "love drug" phenylethylamine and Oxytocin work in long-term relationships...good stuff.  

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The All-or-Nothing Marriage

The All-or-Nothing Marriage | Relationships | Scoop.it
Couples can be happier now than ever before. But it’s rare.

The good news is that our marriages can flourish today like never before. They just can’t do it on their own.

Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

Interesting article about the history of marriage and current relationship trends backed by research. The state of marital satisfaction is like wealth in America...the gap is getting bigger.  It IS possible to have a great marriage, but it will take time, dedication and effort. 

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Angie Mc's curator insight, February 25, 11:40 AM

"Those individuals who can invest enough time and energy in their partnership are seeing unprecedented benefits."  I am grateful to be living proof of this statement.  My marriage is flourishing because it is we are one in a complimentary sense and we are unitive and procreative, which are traditionally held values. And we have modern sensibilities to help us be our best selves within this context and the complicated culture in which we live.

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3 Tips to Avoid Fighting with Your Spouse - Happy Wives Club

3 Tips to Avoid Fighting with Your Spouse - Happy Wives Club | Relationships | Scoop.it
We all want to be understood. We all need to be understood. Here are 3 important tips to avoid fighting with your spouse while still getting what you want.
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

These 3 great tips are really a challenge...because they are NOT easy! 

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Rescooped by Dr. Amy Fuller from Healthy Marriage Links and Clips
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How to Save Marriage in America

How to Save Marriage in America | Relationships | Scoop.it
Traditional matrimony—he brings home the bacon, she cooks it—is dying. But college-educated couples are pointing toward a new model with children at the heart of the union.


American marriage is not dying. But it is undergoing a metamorphosis, prompted by a transformation in the economic and social status of women and the virtual disappearance of low-skilled male jobs. The old form of marriage, based on outdated social rules and gender roles, is fading. A new version is emerging—egalitarian, committed, and focused on children.


Via billcoffin
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

This fascinating article explains the transformation of marriage for the most highly educated into what he calls a HIP marriage (Highly-Invested-Parents) and suggests their focus on children could, if practiced among the least educated, save marriage in America. 

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Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex?

Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex? | Relationships | Scoop.it
He cooks, she cleans, they both work and take care of the kids. It’s the perfect egalitarian marriage. There’s just one problem.
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

If he helps out with household chores...he's likely to have less sex...read this fascinating article. 

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For Love That Lasts

For Love That Lasts | Relationships | Scoop.it
Marriage is good for your health, according to a recent study by the Duke University Medical Center. Research drawn from more than 4,800 participants born during the 1940s found that those who had never married were twice as likely to die in midlife as people who had a long-term partner.
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

Couples who have celebrated their golden anniversary share tips for a marriage that goes the distance. - See more at: http://spiritualityhealth.com/articles/love-lasts#sthash.S6zDCEui.dpuf

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5 Simple Ways to Breathe Life into a Relationship

5 Simple Ways to Breathe Life into a Relationship | Relationships | Scoop.it
The turning of a year seems to beg us to reevaluate, revitalize, and recommit. We resolve to do better and to be better in almost every area of our lives.
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

These tips from Eve Eschner Hogan at Spiritualityhealth.com are right on...be curious, present and reach out and touch each other.

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Tell your wife she is beautiful

Tell your wife she is beautiful | Relationships | Scoop.it
I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Your wife doesn’t think she’s beautiful. How can she? The world is busy pointing out all of her flaws. Particularly at the beginning of the year, I have ...
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

Unfortunately, the reality is most women do not feel beautiful. The author of this sad but true blog advises husband to compliment their wives on appearance frequently.

While this is a great practice it's only one side of the coin. It's also important for women to learn to see themselves as beautiful whether their spouse builds them up or not.  Any type of compare leads to despair... 

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Deepening Intimacy l A FREE video series from Sounds True

Deepening Intimacy l A FREE video series from Sounds True | Relationships | Scoop.it

If you want to deepen the love and connection between you and your life partner—or if you’re seeking to make your next relationship a more fulfilling one—we invite you to join us in this information-filled series.

The Deepening Intimacy program is free—all 14 sessions. It launches on Monday, February 10th, 2014 at 6 pm ET. Registration is easy, sign up here.

Our line-up of teachers includes:

  • Harville Hendrix, PhD and Helen Hunt, PhD
  • Stan Tatkin, PsyD
  • Sue Johnson, PhD
  • Robert Augustus Masters, PhD
  • Julia B. Colwell, PhD
  • John Gray, PhD
  • Harriet Lerner, PhD
  • Gay Hendricks, PhD and Katie Hendricks, PhD
  • Bruce Tift, LMFT
  • Rick Hanson, PhD
  • John Welwood, PhD
  • David Schnarch, PhD
  • David Richo, PhD
  • Ellyn Bader, PhD and Peter Pearson, PhD
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

A FREE Video Event Series launching Feb. 10, 2014

With Deepening Intimacy, 17 acclaimed relationship and couples experts teach us their most valuable, must-know essentials for resolving the obstacles to healthy intimacy and creating a deeply fulfilling life partnership.

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marriagegems-ebook.pdf

Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

This well written ebook contains 10 gems about marriage. I particularly appreciate how she dispells commonly accepted myths  such as: Happiness is the goal of marriage, I married the wrong person, and love is a feeling. Although the author, Lori Lowe, does not provide a discusson of her research methods, she does claim to base her "gems" on research. 

http://marriagegems.com/

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52 Text Message Love Bombs to Send Him

52 Text Message Love Bombs to Send Him | Relationships | Scoop.it
Dr. Amy Fuller's insight:

This is a fun list of text messages to send to your loved one. 

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Curated by Dr. Amy Fuller
Dr. Amy Fuller, Marriage & Family Therapist passionate about healing & empowering a fuller life through Relational, Emotional, Mental & Spiritual Health/Growth. www.AmyFullerPhd.com